i don't know what i'm doing here

please sign this petition... it's trying to get an openly gay young man named zach out of a homophobic camp dedicated to anti-gay behavior called "love in action." it explains more at the website...

I am the girl kicked out of her home because I confided in my mother that I am a lesbian.
I am the prostitute working the streets because nobody will hire a transsexual woman.
I am the sister who holds her gay brother tight through the painful, tear-filled nights.
We are the parents who buried our daughter long before her time.
I am the man who died alone in the hospital because they would not let my partner of twenty-seven years into the room.
I am the foster child who wakes up with nightmares of being taken away from the two fathers who are the only loving family I have ever had. I wish they could adopt me.
I am one of the lucky ones, I guess. I survived the attack that left me in a coma for three weeks, and in another year I will probably be able to walk again.
I am not one of the lucky ones. I killed myself just weeks before graduating high school. It was simply too much to bear.
We are the couple who had the realtor hang up on us when she found out we wanted to rent a one-bedroom for two men.
I am the person who never knows which bathroom I should use if I want to avoid getting the management called on me.
I am the mother who is not allowed to even visit the children I bore, nursed, and raised. The court says I am an unfit mother because I now live with another woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who found the support system grow suddenly cold and distant when they found out my abusive partner is also a woman.
I am the domestic-violence survivor who has no support system to turn to because I am male.
I am the father who has never hugged his son because I grew up afraid to show affection to other men.
I am the home-economics teacher who always wanted to teach gym until someone told me that only lesbians do that.
I am the man who died when the paramedics stopped treating me as soon as they realized I was transsexual.
I am the person who feels guilty because I think I could be a much better person if I did not have to always deal with society hating me.
I am the man who stopped attending church, not because I don't believe, but because they closed their doors to my kind.
I am the person who has to hide what this world needs most, love.
I am the person who is afraid of telling his loving Christian parents he loves another male.
Re-post this if you believe homophobia is wrong. Please do your part to end it.

so be it...
(i wrote this about two years ago. it's not my favorite of all my work but i think it's alright.)
darkness surrounding
sadness descending
i’m finding it hard
to keep my head up
to keep my eyes off the ground
i trace that magic vein
you know the one
my favorite
it runs straight up
all the way to the elbow
all it needs is one long slice
all the way down
this pain will leave
my questions will finally be answered
the truth i search for will be ringing in my ears
or maybe it won’t
not like i’ll care
i’ll be what i want to be
i’ll have achieved my life’s goal
i’ll be dead by my own hand
and if that sends me to hell
so be it!



"ambition is often the last refuge of failure..." oscar wilde

"for one human being to love another; that is perhaps the most difficult of all our tasks... the work for which all other work is but preparation..." rainer maria rilke

"i feel like i'm standing at death's door and no one will let me in..." nikki sixx

"closed eyes need never see reality..." yumiko kawahara

"painting is poetry that is seen rather than felt, and poetry is painting that is felt rather than seen..." leonardo da vinci

"the death of one is a tragedy. the death of millions is just a statistic..." josef stalin

"people are stupid... the nine-to-five, live to work work to live "life" of theirs is just death in slow motion as far as i'm concerned..." kaito niikura, in the end

"i want to disappear more than to forget, i laugh aback at people like you, who act like you understand..." dir en grey

"i can endure my own despair, but not another's hope..." william walsh

"the mind is its own place, and in itself can make a heav'n of hell, a hell of heaven..." milton

"life is too short. grudges are a waste of perfect happiness. laugh when you can and apologize when you should. love deeply and forgive quickly. life is too short to be unhappy. always forgive but never forget. and remember that tomorrow is not a promise..." unknown

"not everything that soars is a bird
oh, and not all that soars is joy and ecstasy
above the lonely windows and rooftops of this dark earth
drawing your gaze
borrowing your wings
one breathing whole shatters into thousands of pieces
and buries itself in the void between desolate particles of air..." author unknown, from "my body to the birds"

"if an injury is to be done to a man it should be so severe that his vengeance need not be feared..." niccolo machiavelli

"it is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both..." niccolo machiavelli

"a dreamer is one who only finds his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world..." oscar wilde

"see, madness, as you know, is like gravity. all it takes is a little push..." the joker, from "the dark knight"